I'll protect you

So I got some really tough news tonight. A good friend of mine lost her 12 yr old. son tonight to suicide. For me it is always really to loose anyone that is young but especially to Satan and his demons. It hits hard to my heart due to my own circumstances. I was raised in a Christian home, I was at church all the time, and I went to a Christian School. So here's my story: In my Sophomore year of high school I went into a deep, deep depression and I stayed at that state for the next 4 years. I have almost no memories of that time because my main goal was to one not let anyone see past the mask that I put on because I knew that if any one saw the "real" me they would know what was going on and two was pray that God would take me to Heaven to rescue me from my pain. If you knew me you would have no idea of the pain that I was in. I can remember ever road and intersection that I would pray that God would have someone have a heart attack and would hit my car and kill me because I knew that I wasn't sinning if I was killed by someone else. I know that every time I wanted to die that it was really Satan who was trying to take me down. I amazingly was able to fool so many people for quite a while until I started to mess up in life. In October of 2000 I had been in counseling for a couple of months and was told that I needed to go through Freedom in Christ (which is the most amazing thing ever).
So the night of my FIC appointment I had already known that I was in a depression but it had not hit me fully until this night. I remeber as I was going through I was physically feeling lighter
, so that night I spent the night where I had my appointment since it was late and I had to be at church the next day. The next day at church my mom kept asking me how I had slept the previous night and truthfully it was the best night sleep I have ever had. Well after getting asked over and over I finally told my mom that she had to tell me what was going on. So here is the most amazing part of my whole story. After I had gone to sleep the people that were in the house were woken up by hearing my name being screamed. So they woke up and came running to where I was thinking that something was happening to me. The closer they got to me the louder the voice was and the voice was yelling "JENNIFER" over and over and over. I never woke up that is the most amazing part was that as soon as my mom told me that I knew that God was telling me that HE was in the hole that Satan had used to come in and where a demon had attached itself to me. How awesome is that God made sure that I knew that HE had filled all the cracks and was saying to me "You are my child and I'm not giving you back."
Unfortunately too many people don't get the message that God can fill the cracks in your life before it's too late. I heard someone say once that it is Satan's job to watch us and learn about us completely. He does his job well but God does his better. I am no where close to being the person that God wants me to be but I'm on my way and I have learned that there are things that I have to be careful of because that is an area that Satan can take really easy for me. But God is bigger, better, and greater.

Christmas Challenge

This Christmas my small group that I am in has decided to adopt a family this year for Christmas. I'm so excited you really have no idea how excited I am about this. For the last 15 years my dad and I got to deliver gifts to families from "Mrs. Claus" and it has forever changed me because most of these families would have had nothing if it wasn't for the gifts that they received. So a couple weeks ago Pastor Brenda challenged us to something different this year, some people are doing just 3 gifts like the wise men or giving to a charity instead of giving people things that they don't need. At that point I decided that I wanted to be the one who made a difference in some one's life. I take care of an elderly woman and go to school so I really don't have much money just laying around after bills get paid, so I suggested it to my small group and they have jumped on this wagon with me. Today I went to the store to get everyday items and I saw something for one of the kids and I bought it, I can not express how awesome I felt inside knowing that this was going to someone who has no idea that someone who has never met them is this excited getting this present for them. I can not wait until my group is able to put everything together and take this to the family. My hope is that we can change Heaven one person at a time:)

Recapturing the AWE

So for the last three weeks Pastor Brenda has been speaking on recapturing the awe of Christmas. Last Sunday we had the opportunity to go to Bible Studies at peoples houses. It was awesome!!! Let me tell you our group has actually decided to keep meeting because it has been such a great experience that we all wanted to keep it up. The last question tonight was how are we going to share the "wonder" with people. Some of the things that we came up with as things are watching a single parent's kid so they can go shopping, take someone to the doctor or to the store, bring things to people in Nursing Homes that don't have family... the hole point is to do something to help others and do it in Jesus' name. For me I have decided to try to provide Christmas for a family that won't have a Christmas. Can you imagine that if everyone that says they are a Christian was willing to do something for just an hour this holiday season and did it for Jesus' name how AWESOME would it be. It has been said that it takes fifteen people to make contact with someone before they will make a positive move towards Jesus. Don't lose that chance to be a two or a twelve or the fifteen this season. We are the reason for this season.

To Rachel

This is for anyone to read so you know. I wanted a way that I could let people know the Rachel that I know and love. You never know what you say to someone that will stick with them and will be something that they remeber for a lifetime.

I'm so excited that on Saturday my cousin Rachel is marrying Aron Carpenter. She has been one of my amazing friends and I'm blessed that she is my cousin. And I want the world to know how special this wedding day really is. I don't know how many times her and I have talked about us getting married but there is one time in particular that I have never forgotten .In1997 or 1998 our family was in Gaitlinburg, TN for vacation and Rachel and I shared a room, one night we got on the subject of marriage and she told me that she wasn't going to get married unless she could have a marriage like our grandparents and her parents had. At the time I thought WOW she will never get married if that is what she is setting her standards at, but I knew that she was as stubborn as I am and she wouldn't budge on that desire. I can't tell you how much that means to me that she has kept that desire to only marry the one that God has for her and won't take anything but the best for her.Because she knew that the only way for her to have that kind of marriage was only takin God's best. I know when I see her and Aron together that their marriage can definitely be headed in the same way that my grandparents marriage was. I so believe in my heart and soul that Rachel has choosen God's best for her. With every boyfriend that Rachel has had this memory has replayed in my mind and it became my prayer that if she wasn't going to have a marriage like my Grandparents then lead Rachel to what's right for her.
When she made that comment she was only 18 or 19 years old and for 10 years she has kept that a solid standard for whomever God had for her. I can only pray that Sara, Melinda, Sarah, JL, Caleb, Marshall, Jon, Ben, & myself can be as focused on what we want in a marriage that will last as she has been waiting for Aron. And to know that Rachel and Aron have kept themselves for their spouses is amazing in this day and age. Rachel has always led the way for me, she has shown me what I should do, what I should never do (never say there is nothing to eat in the house). Eventhough the older we get we don't get the time to hang out as much as we used to, I know that if I need someone she will be there for me no matter what.

Rachel, I love you and I'm so excited for this next chapter that you are going into. You have made an impact in me that you will never know the complete impact on this side of Heaven.

To anyone else that has read this: The decisions you make today will impact your future. Decide who you will be and be that 100% stick to your convictions and don't falter because in the end the risk is never worth the price.

Lay it down

I CAST ALL MY CARES UPON YOU
I LAY ALL OF MY BURDENS,
DOWN AT YOUR FEET
ANYTIME, I DON'T KNOW
JUST WHAT TO DO,
I JUST CAST ALL MY CARES

UPON YOU

As I was coming upstairs tonight getting ready for bed this song came to my mind and I started to sing it to myself. With the year that my family has had this song was so needed. I know that I forget so many times that I can lay ALL of my baggage at the feet of Jesus and He will take care of it. For the last couple of months I keep feeling like Satan has been putting stuff in my way so that my journey with God is a little more difficult. I have been having a hard time dealing with that because I know that Satan does not want me to do God's will and he will do whatever it takes to discourage me. On Sunday I had gone to the alter to talk to God about this problem and I was told to give it to God. I know that God is really trying to teach me that He really can handle everything if I will only let him.

2 AM phone call

It doesn't matter who you are when the phone rings at 2 AM it is never good. This morning the lady that I take care of got a phone call and it woke me up, the first thing I did was look at the clock. 2 AM Seriously!!! So I got up and went downstairs to see what has happened because phone calls at 2 AM are never good. Here what has happened is her son in law couldn't wake up her daughter so he called 911 and they were taking her to the hospital. So for the last hour and a half I've been trying to get the lady I take care of ready so that another daughter could take her to the hospital. My mind has been going round and round praying that Ginny will be ok. Sometimes the worst thing with a call this early is it is very hard to get back to sleep.
I think that God sometimes gives us a " 2 AM phone call" and instead of answering it we continue to "sleep" because we are afraid that it is bad news that He is trying to tell us. But ya know I don't think that all 2 AM calls are bad, when my cousin Zack and his wife Amanda were having Skylar I think it was around 2 AM when she called her mom to say that Skylar was coming. But there is no way for us to know whether it is "good" or "bad" news unless we are willing to pick up the phone. So I am going to take this awake time and call God because He is always willing to answer a 4 AM call from me.

Legacy

Just a few weeks ago my cousin Zack and his wife Amanda welcomed a new life into the world Skylar Audra Young. It is so awesome to know the family legacy that she has in front of her and she doesn't even understand it yet. It will be a year ago that my family found out that my Grandma Mason was diagnosed with Colon Cancer. At that time everyone was telling me how blessed I was with the legacy that I had, but I never realized it until then. My Grandparents came from "good blood" both of their parents were Christian people and raised their children right. Since my Grandma Mason has gone to Heaven I have been really lucky to get to meet my grandparents siblings and see the different things that make me who I am. From personality to simple things like my dimple or fingers.
Today my family found out that my Grandma Young will be shortly going to heaven within the next few days. This is my last living Grandma that I have, even though she wasn't a "blood" relative she was just as much a Grandma to me as my blood ones. I have always had three Godly Grandma's that have always been there to help me when I needed it. But I realized tonight that everyone that had the privilege to know them have been so blessed. Both Grandma Mason and Grandma Young have really been blessed to have the opportunity to have left such a strong legacy in all of their grandchildren. Rachel, Aron, Zack, Amanda, Sara, JL, Caleb, Melinda, Sarah, Marshall, Jon, Ben, & Myself have been given a gift of a strong legacy that we can't get rid of... we can choose not to honor the legacy but we can't get rid of it. If we choose to ignore it all we will do is ruin it for ourselves, we will end up unhappy and regretting so much. I think that we have to decide whether we want to leave a legacy of happiness and Godliness or sadness and sin.